“The key to success in life is people, we are a social animal and how we interact with people will determine how far we get in life – you can be technically brilliant in any given field, but if you are terrible at dealing with people, your life will be hell” – Robert Greene.
A considerable number of articles have been written and published on how to help students prepare and pass their exams and in tyre, obtain a qualification. However, very few materials – if any, is written and made available which is designed and focused on helping students develop and improve their emotional intelligence or people skills – and yet, these skill sets are as equally important.
This is not surprising as from time immemorial, society’s slogan has been – “get educated; get a degree and you will eventually get a job”. A lot of emphasis has been placed on the aspect of one getting a degree which inadvertently translates to ultimately getting employed and very little emphasis is placed on the aspect of how we should conduct ourselves amongst the various people we’ll meet in our employment. And yet, the latter aspect is critical not only in ensuring that we are retained to our employment but also in helping us rise within the employment. Why is that so?.
Tertiary education does a good job in ensuring that one has the base competence in regards to reading, writing and assimilating information. Tertiary education will also at best, prepare and give one a good insight of what is to consist of their day to day activities in terms of practical work.
However, what the tertiary education system does not prepare us for or give us insight in is the skill to interact, deal and relate with the most complex subject on earth; one we can not attain a clear pass or graduate with a distinction in; and one we are – unfortunately compelled (by virtual of the way the industry is designed) to deal with for the rest of our practicing career – and this subject is called people – or what is regarded in this article as the other side of the corporate world.
With people unfortunately, there is no Study Text, Revision Kits or Past Papers you can make reference to so as to have an idea as to which side of the bed – say your colleague or boss will wake up on. And it’s this very nuance that students graduating straight from college or university are not quite prepared for and it poses as a challenge to many.
You might have come across a technically brilliant person who got excellent grades and exceled in their academics but for one reason or the other, this individual couldn’t just match up to the same standard in terms of performance in industry. This is not because the knowledge this individual obtained during his or her studies in tertiary was at variance with the requisite knowledge required to execute practical work – but rather, he or she had flaws in his or her ability to interact, deal and relate with people and as a consequence of which – this diluted this individual’s technical brilliance and at best, this individual became an average employee when they had so much potential to become better than that.
Granted, a good qualification one such as CA Zambia (as well as the rest of the qualifications offered by ZICA) might help you get a job. But asides your performance, what ensures that you are retained to the job and also helps you propel from one level to the next in the corporate world is not so much as the number of qualifications you have attached to your name but how good you can interact, deal and relate with people. This is because, organisations by their very nature rely upon people working together and co-operating with each other so as to achieve specified goals and objectives. In other words, a qualification in and of itself is not enough — you have to be good at interacting, dealing and relating with people.
In the light of what has been discussed above and hopefully having established how imperative it is for one to posses the skill to interact, deal and relate with people. At this stage, you might be asking — “how can I improve my ability to interact, deal and relate with people?”.
There so many ways you can achieve this objective but one (if not the most effective) way is to work on and improve your emotional intelligence and people skills. Unfortunately, there is no school which teaches these skills and that is why it is recommended that you take it upon yourself to develop and improve these skills as an extracurricular activity. Fortunately, there are a number of books and resources one can make use of so as to improve these skills.
So what is emotional intelligence and what are people skills?. Perhaps we can start with emotional intelligence.
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Daniel Goleman the author of a book titled Emotional intelligence defines emotional intelligence as the ability to identify, assess and control one’s own emotions, the emotions of others, and that of a group. In this book, Daniel goes further and breaks down Emotional intelligence into four categories as follows:
- Self – Awareness
- Social – Awareness
- Self – Management
- Relationship Management
In this article however, will only look at two concepts bordering on these principles on how you can improve this skill as discussed below.
Develop the ability to control your emotions; all the while placing a proper value on things – “Think big”.
Dealing with people from 8 am to 5 pm every day for five days a week can be a roller-coaster of emotions and one luxury you can’t afford in this roller-coaster ride is the inability to control your emotions. Emotional responses, especially ones stemming off of negative emotions such as anger, resentment, bitterness, jealousy and frustration etc. might bring self-gratification in the short term but in the long term, such responses could be detrimental. Responses motivated by these negative feelings are usually executed without being evaluated on rationale and individuals in such a situation, in most cases, won’t place a proper value on the consequences thereof.
To illustrate this, let us look at a story told by Dr David J. Schwartz in his book The magic of thinking big as follows;
Four young executives, all on the same status level, were moved into new offices. Three of the offices were identical in size and decoration. The fourth was smaller and less elaborate. J. M. was assigned the fourth office. This turned out to be a real blow to his pride. Immediately he felt discriminated against. Negative thinking, resentment, bitterness, jealousy built up. J. M. began to feel inadequate. The result was that J. M. grew hostile toward his fellow executives. Rather than cooperate, he did his best to undermine their efforts. Things got worse. Three months later J. M. slipped so badly that management had no choice but to issue him a pink slip.
Small thinking over a very small matter stopped J. M. In his haste to feel he was discriminated against, J. M. failed to observe that the company was expanding rapidly and office space was at a premium. He didn’t stop to consider the possibility that the executive who made the office assignments didn’t even know which one was the smallest! No one in the organization, except J. M., regarded his office as an index of his value. Small thinking about unimportant things like seeing your name last on the department route sheet or getting the fourth carbon of an office memo can hurt you. Think big, and none of these little things can hold you back.
Develop the ability to read other people’s emotions
If you can develop the ability to control your emotions, then you on the right track. But to be on an even better track would be to control your emotions first and secondly, to read those of others.
Albert Mehrabian psychology professor at the University of California, Los Angeles developed a rule called the 7-38-55 rule. In his book – Silent Messages (1971) – Albert shades more light about this rule which is concerned with the communication of emotions. The rule states that 7% of meaning is communicated through spoken word, 38% through tone of voice, and 55% through body language.
Mastering this rule and developing the ability to master your emotions can help you a great deal in interacting, dealing and relating with people from all walks of life.
At this stage, we can now turn our attention to people skills.
An accountant needs to be good at double entry, a web developer needs to learn the newest programming languages and a doctor needs to keep up on the latest medical research. However, anyone who wants to succeed regardless of their field or discipline has to be fluent in a particular set of skills and these skills are no other than people skills.
PEOPLE SKILLS
In general, good people skills are defined as the ability to listen, to communicate and to relate to others on a personal or professional level. Good people skills also extend to include problem-solving abilities, empathy for others and a willingness to work together toward the common good. Just like emotional Intelligence, there so many ways you can achieve this objective.
To set you off on the right trajectory in regards to this skill, I would recommend you have a read at a book titled How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie. In part one of this book; Dale brings to the reader’s attention a principle we discuss below.
DON’T CRITICISE, CONDEMN OR COMPLAIN
In construction, there is an expression constructors use called ‘bad mad’. This expression is used if the basic composite of a brick is of poor quality or sub-standard such that, if a minimal degree of pressure is applied to it; the brick breaks. This concept can be likened to gossip as well. In gossip, that is where two or more individuals will meet to criticize, condemn or complain. And the grounds on which such a practice is conducted are very unstable and the relationships between such individuals are usually not genuine. For such relationships, it only takes a minimal misunderstanding to bring a strain to them. You think of it, if someone can gossip with you; what are the odds they can’t gossip against you?.
The idea is simple, if at all you are to criticise or condemn someone, do this in their presence; don’t do it in their absence. As Stephen R. Covey said;
“If you want to retain the people in your presence, be loyal to those who are absent”.
If you read this chapter however, you will realise that I approached this principle in a nuanced way and I have done this deliberately so as to add an extra dimension to the principle.
On this premise, I would recommend you get yourself a copy of this book and continue from this chapter going forward. I would also recommend you get copies of all the above referenced books and acquaint yourself with the knowledge shared therein.
IN A NUTSHELL
Be constantly reminded that human relationships transcend any conceivable discipline or qualification and what will help you rise in the corporate world or in life at large is not only the number of qualifications, your experience or the knowledge you possess but also your ability to deal with people and you have to invest in this ability. As John D. Rockefeller said;
“The ability to deal with people is as purchasable a commodity as sugar or coffee. And I will pay more for that ability.”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
My names are Chota Munthali. I possess a CA Zambia qualification and I am currently in the employ of KPMG Zambia where I am designated to the post of Accountant 1 under our Audit and Assurance Practice.